Thursday, 5 July 2007

Quitting Aid Test: Chupa Chups Relax

Goodies arrive in the post this morning, and with good timing. I feel cranky, fat and sick as a dog.

Chupa Chups Relax are sugar-free (thank GOD) and are plastered with anti-smoking advice and quitlines and logos.

Poncy things noticed thus far:

- Flip top box. Because smokers can’t tell the difference between cigarettes and lollipops.
- It has the word Relax written on it in big letters. I loathe being patronised, especially by boxes of sweets.
- Size. These lollipops are incredibly, microscopically small. I distrust small lollipops. You could choke on them, and half the fun is eroding them down.
- Flavour. I like my lollies to be strawberry, cola, or chocolate and vanilla. Not Citrus flavours with extracts of lemon balm and lime blossom. For fuck’s sake.
- There are only six yet are in a packet the size of 20 Marlboros. Couldn’t they have stuck some extra in upside down?

Everyone gets very hopeful about getting a lolly of their own but is put off by the size and weird flavour. Rightly so. The smallness means I feel like I’m sucking on one somebody else had earlier. The McHerbal flavour is basically orange and lime, although not according to the packet.

While they do indeed contain lemon balm (0.1%), lime blossom only turns up if it’s linden blossom (0.1%) while the citrus flavours actually consist of concentrated fruit puree (apple, cherry, raspberry, pineapple, lime, lemon, strawberry, peach, banana, orange, blueberry, blackberry, mango, watermelon and kiwi). Mmmm, citrusy goodness indeed.

Ironically, by the time I’ve finished the lollipop I’m dying for a cigarette. This is down to the stick, one of those hollow ones, and the little shard of pop still on it gives a delightful amount of pull which means I turned up to lunch at the Fat Man Pancake House looking like a four-year-old addict.

One of my fellow quitters just nipped upstairs to get one and was also disappointed by their size. “The strawberry and cream sugar-free ones are better,” she advised. “And at least you can see them.”

Quitting score: 4/10


oliWood said...

every fag you light and i see yousmoking I'll eat. Lit. This will make youstop.

Nik said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lowri said...

well done Kat, I quit sunday and by Tuesday afternoon thought I had better have a fag rather then be sectioned. Good luck hon, but watch those lollies, they will rot your teeth. Lowri x

Nik said...

Why am I so computerly inept? Unlike the previous computerlyable poster who managed his post perfectly without any deleted comments just to show me up!

Anyway, I'm sure it will be of great comfort to you to know that on 9th of March 2004, almost in passing, I thought as I rolled a fag "I won't buy any more tobacco when I finish this" and carried on playing dartrs with Bowman, the thought almost forgotten.

The following Friday (the 12th) I rolled a cigarette and noticed it was my last rizla and so put down my baccy pouch and half an hour later when someone offered me a cigarette politely declined and haven't smoked since.

And was not a noticeably more miserable bastard than usual.

Not only was it that easy but I actually lost weight when I stopped smoking due to no more munchies!

Now, three years and some months on I am bicycling 20-30km most days of the week (not easy in stupidly, unnecessarily hot Israeli weather) and generally feeling fitter and healthier and things.

Your friend Carmen was right, just stop and then forget about it, no cutting down or that kind of crap.

Another good way is peer pressure. Tell all your friends that this is it, you have stopped, never to smoke again, then you will have to stick with it for fear of them calling you a no good loser who can't stick to their guns when you start again.

Unless, of course, you are not a known anal retentive who people expect to maintain high levels of self-control and watch like a hawk for the first chance to point and jeer gleefully at your failure should you fall!

Anyway, good luck, for what it is worth after all this time I still want a damn cigarette from time to time, mostly in the pub with a beer. Bastard things, should be banned!

Chin up, and remember, if you fail I shall be there waiting to point and jeer! :)


P.S. Why phaeton? It's a great word and I have been waiting for bloody years to use it in Scrabble and have never had the chance.

Yes, I am that sad kind of geek who has words he wants to get down in Scrabble.

Quote said...

Well if everyone is suddenly leaving comments, then I will too.

If you can give up smoking then I'll give up as well.

Out of spite.

And I'll make it look easy.

phaeton said...

Don't torment me like that Oli. You're my husband and it would make me cry.

Nik, I love you. Quote, you bastard, if you give up better than me I'll heckle you with rocks at End of the Road this year.