Goodies arrive in the post this morning, and with good timing. I feel cranky, fat and sick as a dog.
Chupa Chups Relax are sugar-free (thank GOD) and are plastered with anti-smoking advice and quitlines and logos.
Poncy things noticed thus far:
- Flip top box. Because smokers can’t tell the difference between cigarettes and lollipops.
- It has the word Relax written on it in big letters. I loathe being patronised, especially by boxes of sweets.
- Size. These lollipops are incredibly, microscopically small. I distrust small lollipops. You could choke on them, and half the fun is eroding them down.
- Flavour. I like my lollies to be strawberry, cola, or chocolate and vanilla. Not Citrus flavours with extracts of lemon balm and lime blossom. For fuck’s sake.
- There are only six yet are in a packet the size of 20 Marlboros. Couldn’t they have stuck some extra in upside down?
Everyone gets very hopeful about getting a lolly of their own but is put off by the size and weird flavour. Rightly so. The smallness means I feel like I’m sucking on one somebody else had earlier. The McHerbal flavour is basically orange and lime, although not according to the packet.
While they do indeed contain lemon balm (0.1%), lime blossom only turns up if it’s linden blossom (0.1%) while the citrus flavours actually consist of concentrated fruit puree (apple, cherry, raspberry, pineapple, lime, lemon, strawberry, peach, banana, orange, blueberry, blackberry, mango, watermelon and kiwi). Mmmm, citrusy goodness indeed.
Ironically, by the time I’ve finished the lollipop I’m dying for a cigarette. This is down to the stick, one of those hollow ones, and the little shard of pop still on it gives a delightful amount of pull which means I turned up to lunch at the Fat Man Pancake House looking like a four-year-old addict.
One of my fellow quitters just nipped upstairs to get one and was also disappointed by their size. “The strawberry and cream sugar-free ones are better,” she advised. “And at least you can see them.”
Quitting score: 4/10