Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Willpower, or yellow bellied denial inhabitant

I’ve been uncharacteristically quiet of late. This is because the quitting has actually been going really well. Well – if you count only smoking when in the presence of alcohol and friends who smoke. Which I do. Shut up.

This isn’t even justification for carrying on smoking. I still don’t smoke during the day, but now, if I’m out with friends who smoke then it will usually take at least three drinks before I can be tempted outside. That’s a good two hours of willpower right there people. I've also stopped thinking about them. I don't carry "in case" cigarettes anymore which means that in smokers terms I'm down in the scum pool with all the other people "who don't smoke but maybe just one thanks".

I managed nearly 10 years of smoking practically every day without being physically addicted. While I would turn into a nervous nicotine-craving wreck at the merest sniff of a gin and tonic, lunch or coffee with friends, it was what the cigarettes represented than what they were. Emphysema and a conspiratorial chat, evidently.

The idea of giving up cigarettes entirely was, if I’m honest, never totally likely. Unless I cut out people, friends and being sociable altogether which, as someone who is consistently voted most talkative in that infernal Facebook comparison widget, is about as likely as the tooth fairy.

It would be nice for the world to be black and white but then, as we’re constantly being told this week, grey is the new colour for autumn. As is yellow, clearly.

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